Thoughts to Ponder

March 24th | | Random | Tags: None

  • Do not eat natural foods. I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
  • Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
  • The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
  • Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
  • There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
  • An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
  • If quitters never win and winners never quit, then who is the fool who said, "Quit while you’re ahead?"
  • Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
  • The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
  • Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks.
  • Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
  • Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days, no one talks about seeing UFO’s like they used to?
  • Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
  • All of us could take a lesson from the weather; it pays no attention to criticism.
  • Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200 and a substantial tax cut save you 30 cents?
  • In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
  • How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

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