Was at Amos and Aaron’s birthday party and we decided to play poker. Here are my winnings.

Went out to dinner with the other EMYFers.
Giant Cat?

Finally my food arrives!

A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss the use of the car. His father took him to his study and said to him, "I’ll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your Bible a little and get your hair cut and we’ll talk about it."

After about a month the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss use of the car. They again went to the father’s study where his father said, "Son, I’ve been real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you’ve studied your Bible diligently, but you didn’t get your hair cut!"

The young man waited a moment and replied, "You know Dad, I’ve been thinking about that. You know, Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair…."

To which his father replied,"Yes, and they walked everywhere they went!"

If we could shrink the earth’s population to a village of 100 people, with everything else remaining the same, it would look like this:
There would be:

• 57 Asians
• 21 Europeans
• 14 from the Western Hemisphere
• 8 Africans

• 52 would be female
• 48 would be male

• 70 would be non-white
• 30 would be white

• 70 would be non-Christian
• 30 would be Christian

• 95 would be heterosexual
• 5 would be homosexual

• 6 people would own 59% of the world’s wealth, and all 6 would be from the United States

• 80 would live in substandard housing

• 70 would be unable to read

• 50 would suffer from malnutrition

• 1 would be near death
• 1 would be near birth

• 1 would have a college education

• 1 would own a computer

• 0 would play oboe

We’ve all been interviewed for jobs. And, we’ve all spent most of those interviews thinking about what not to do. Don’t bite your nails. Don’t fidget. Don’t interrupt. Don’t belch. If we did any of the don’ts, we knew we’d disqualify ourselves instantly. But some job applicants go light years beyond this. We surveyed top personnel executives of 100 major American corporations and asked for stories of unusual behavior by job applicants. The lowlights:

• …stretched out on the floor to fill out the job application.
• She wore a Walkman and said she could listen to me and the music at the same time.
• A balding candidate abruptly excused himself. Returned to office a few minutes later, wearing a hairpiece.
• …asked to see interviewer’s resume to see if the personnel executive was qualified to judge the candidate.
• … announced she hadn’t had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and french fries in the interviewer’s office – wiping the ketchup on her sleeve.
• Stated that, if he were hired, he would demonstrate his loyalty by having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm.
• Interrupted to phone his therapist for advice on answering specific interview questions.
• When I asked him about his hobbies, he stood up and started tap dancing around my office.
• At the end of the interview, while I stood there dumbstruck, went through my purse, took out a brush, brushed his hair, and left.
• …pulled out a Polaroid camera and snapped a flash picture of me.
  Said he collected photos of everyone who interviewed him.
• Said he wasn’t interested because the position paid too much.
• While I was on a long-distance phone call, the applicant took out a copy of Penthouse, and looked through the photos only, stopping longest at the centerfold.
• During the interview, an alarm clock went off from the candidate’s brief case. He took it out, shut it off, apologized and said he had to leave for another interview.
• A telephone call came in for the job applicant. It was from his wife.
  His side of the conversation went like this: ‘Which company? When do I start? What’s the salary?’ I said, ‘I assume you’re not interested in conducting the interview any further.’ He promptly responded, ‘I am as long as you’ll pay me more.’ I didn’t hire him, but later found out there was no other job offer. It was a scam to get a higher offer.
• His attache [case] opened when he picked it up and the contents spilled, revealing ladies’ undergarments and assorted makeup and perfume.
• Candidate said he really didn’t want to get a job, but the unemployment office needed proof that he was looking for one.
• …asked who the lovely babe was, pointing to the picture on my desk.
  When I said it was my wife, he asked if she was home now and wanted my phone number. I called security.
• Pointing to a black case he carried into my office, he said that if he was not hired, the bomb would go off. Disbelieving, I began to state why he would never be hired and that I was going to call the police. He then reached down to the case, flipped a switch, and ran. No one was injured, but I did need to get a new desk."

I couldn’t embed it…
So click below?

Click below for music! 😀
Continue reading Why Sparrows Love The Snow →